Meet the Team – Laura McCusker

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Hello there. This is my first blog post on our fancy new website! Actually, this is my first blog post ever.

I immediately volunteered to write something up for our new Blog because writing is my “thing”. I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about what I do at Family Service Regina . I’m one of the Domestic Violence Workers, and we get asked a lot “well, what do you do?” or “what can you do for me?”

My role on the team is Domestic Violence Court Caseworker and most of my clients have a partner or ex-partner facing charges in the specialized court. We offer support, updates on the court process, among other things. The possibilities are endless. Our work is client-focused and our tasks change daily to accommodate to the needs of our clients. Our clients are unique, as is the work we do.

A big part of it is helping people find their own strength. That’s different for every person. Take me for example. Like I said, writing is my “thing”. From a very young age, writing has been my outlet. I can be quite an introverted person who has a hard time speaking about my feelings, so I have always used writing to cope. If we think hard, we each have something unique we use to cope with stress and things that are possibly out of our control. We all have special talents and a toolbox of coping mechanisms.

If you have experienced violence, the DV team is here to help . We are here to listen, to assist where we can and provide resources as your journey continues. And it will continue. And it will get better.

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” -Christian D. Larson

When she's not supporting victims of violence, Laura enjoys other interests such as hawking 50/50 tickets.

When she’s not supporting victims of violence, Laura enjoys other interests such as hawking 50/50 tickets.

 

About Laura
I started at Family Service Regina in the Domestic Violence Unit just over a year ago. It was about 4 years ago that I first heard of this unit and what they do to help people in the community. I knew this was something I wanted to do. Since graduating from university in 2012, I have dedicated my life to helping others. I am a helper by nature. I will admit that this line of work can be challenging at times, but I love my job. Every day I get to speak with strong, courageous people who have overcome difficult situations.
(More about this in a future blog post about how my clients inspire me).

Run for Women

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Thanks Regina! On June 4, 461 women, men and children came out to Wascana Centre to walk and run in support of mental health. Charitable proceeds will be used for the supportive programs of Family Service Regina so we can keep on doing what we do every day. Shoppers Drug Mart Run for Women will be back again next year!

How to Help when a Friend tells you she is being Abused

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When a friend tells you she’s being abused:

  • Believe her. Even if you know and like her abuser, know that it is common for abusive individuals to put their best face forward outside the home.
  • Tell her it’s not her fault. Don’t focus on what happened to “provoke” abuse. No one makes someone else abuse them.
  • Validate her feelings. A person who’s been abused can be filled with self-doubt. Let her know that feelings of fear, anger, shame, confusion, depression, embarrassment, loneliness, hope, hopelessness, hate, love, are all normal.
  • Don’t minimize. Let your friend know that you take what she has told you very seriously. Don’t try to make her feel better by letting on that it’s not that bad. Bring it up again. Remember that pretending it’s not happening or that it’s no big deal doesn’t make it go away.
  • Tell her positive things about herself. The act of physical abuse and the verbal abuse that typically go along with it can tear down a woman’s view of herself. You can help by communicating clearly the strengths that you see in her.
  • Listen. Although you may want to intervene immediately, the best help is to be someone she can rely on while she sorts it out for herself. Too much advice may make it difficult for her to do that.
  • Ask her about the children. Without judging, encourage her to talk about how she sees the abuse affecting them. Validate those concerns. It may help her to leave in the future.
  • Don’t try to make her do anything she doesn’t want to. If you try to take control, she won’t be ready and it’s likely to fail.
  • Don’t blame her for the abuse or her decisions. Leaving an abusive relationship may seem like a simple decision to make. It’s not. Leaving is difficult for a lot of reasons, and it usually takes a long time.
  • Urge her to seek medical attention and report to the police. The decision is hers, but even if she is not ready to leave, a documented history of abusive incidents will help her in the future with obtaining safety measures and custody of children.
  • Give her good information about abuse. It might not be safe for her to keep books and pamphlets around, but you can pass on information verbally and direct her to internet resources. As internet use can be easily monitored, recommend she use your computer or a library to access these resources.
  • Tell her that domestic violence is a crime and she can call 911 for help. If it’s not safe to stay on the phone with the operator, run or go to a safe place.
  • Help her develop a safety plan for the time she stays as well as the time when she leaves.
  • Encourage her to build a wide support system. Talk to her about the possibility of breaking the secret with trustworthy people, consulting a lawyer, attending a support group, getting to know people in the community, having a job or building job skills. Keep safety in mind, as the abuser may oppose these efforts.
  • Don’t blame or attack the abuser. Realize that in spite of what has happened there is a relationship that has involved strong feelings and loyalty. It’s emotionally confusing to be with someone who says he loves her, yet hurts her so badly. It’s likely that she has coped by making excuses for the abuser. Harsh statements against him may prompt her to defend him.
  • Keep in contact. Abuse creates isolation, and isolation makes it harder to get out. Find out from your friend the best times for you to initiate phone calls and get-togethers, and follow through.
  • Respect her right to privacy. Gossip only reinforces the sense of isolation and shame, and it could put her in danger.
  • Be patient and don’t give up. Gathering the will and strength to leave may take longer than you hope. Waiting can be frustrating, but knowing you’re still there for her can help her act when she is ready.

Links to Web Resources

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A list (by region) of Victims Services available in Saskatchewan to victims of a crime committed by an intimate partner or family member from Saskatchewan Justice.

Information about abuse of Older People from www.itsnotright.ca

All about Young Relationships at www.lovegoodbadugly.com

Warning Signs early in the relationship from YWCA

General Legal Information pertaining to domestic violence from Public Legal Education Association (PLEA) – scroll down for the legal stuff

Site for Youth affected by Family Violence www.burstingthebubble.com

Family Matters program from Saskatchewan Justice with advice for those going through separation/divorce.

Family court self-help guidance can also be found through PLEA

Information to help parents, teens and children through the stress of separation can be found at Families Change.

Information and application forms for Victims Compensation available to those who have reported a crime to police can be found here.

 

 

Stalking/Criminal Harassment

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Stalking

Stalking, which is also called criminal harassment, is a pattern of behaviour that can have devastating consequences for victims. While sometimes stalking is carried out by a stranger or casual acquaintance, it is often a continuation intimate partner violence after the relationship has ended. Those who engage in criminal harassment behaviours may be attempting to control a former partner.

Stalking is illegal. According to Section 264 of the Criminal Code of Canada, criminal harassment can involve repeatedly following, communicating with, watching, and/or threatening a person either directly or through someone a person knows. Part of establishing the pattern of criminal harassment for the purpose of charges is that the victim fears for their own safety or the safety of someone they know

Examples of Stalking

Here are some examples of stalking behaviour. It’s often hard to identify at first, but trust your instincts and get help if you are being stalked.
  • The person appears wherever you are
  • The person parks nearby your home, workplace, or other location where you are and sits in the vehicle
  • Texts, emails, phone calls or visits continue even when you ask them to stop
  • Your friends, family and acquaintances are contacted by the person, who asks questions or spreads information about you
  • There is evidence that the person has been around, such as notes or objects left

Criminal harassment varies widely in the range of harassers, victims, motives, methods, and settings. One thing that is common is that victims often have difficulty convincing others that their situation is harassing and frightening, let alone criminal.

If you need help because of someone who is repeatedly contacting or intimidating you, contact Family Service Regina Domestic Violence Unit at 306-757-6675.

We have information available for both professionals and victims who would like more information on stalking. Please click on the PDF links below for more information.

Information for Victims and Professionals:

Defining Stalking                                            Criminal Code of Canada

What Stalkers Do                                           Stalking LOG

Victim Impact                                                 Helpful Websites

The Effects of Exposure to Violence on Children

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When there is violence in the family, it affects every member. Often adults assume that children are not aware. But children take in the sights and sounds and feelings of abuse in the home. It affects their emotions, their behaviour, and the way that they view themselves and the world around them.

Children sometimes react quickly to a particular trauma, perhaps becoming clingy or fearful. More often, the changes are gradual as children strive to deal with their emotions and experiences over time. Some may become angry, disrespectful, or aggressive. Others can grow anxious or withdrawn. Children may blame themselves or may blame the victim as they struggle to form explanations for what has happened.

Children who have difficulty after there has been violence in their homes need to have their experiences acknowledged. They need the opportunity to understand the impact on themselves and to explore new ways of coping. Y’s Kids is a program providing group and individual interventions for children and youth who have been exposed to violence in the home. (YWCA Regina)

Where to Get Help in Regina

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If you are experiencing abuse within a relationship, help is available:

COUNSELLING & SUPPORT SERVICES

Domestic Violence Support Services . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-757-6675

Alternatives to Violence Program for Men. . . . . . . . . . . 306-766-7800

Y’s Kids Groups for Children Exposed to Violence. . . . 306-525-2141

Circle Project. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-347-7515

Regina Sexual Assault Centre. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-522-2777

EMERGENCY SERVICES

Police, Ambulance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 911

HELP LINES 

Mobile Crisis Services (24 hrs) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-757-0127

Sexual Assault Line . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-352-0434

Social Services Child Protection Intake Line. . . . . . . . . 306-787-3760 (Office hours)

Regina Child Abuse Line. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-569-2724 (Extended hours)

Mental Health Crisis Response . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .306-766-7800

SAFE SHELTERS

Isabel Johnson Shelter (24 hrs). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .306-525-2141

Regina Transition House (24 hrs). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-569-2292

Wichihik Iskwewak Safe House (24 hrs). . . . .. . . . . . . 306-543-0493

SOFIA House – 2nd Stage Housing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-565-2537

OUT OF TOWN

Moose Jaw Transition House (24 hrs). . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-693-6511

Qu’Appelle Haven Safe Shelter (24 hrs) . . . . . . . . . . .1-888-332-7233/306-332-6881

VICTIM SERVICES

Domestic Violence Victim Services (Regina) . . . . . . . . 306-757-6675

File Hills First Nations Police Service. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-334-3222

Fort Qu’Appelle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-332-2525

Indian Head. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-695-5208

Lumsden. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-731-4282

Milestone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-436-6253

Punnichy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-835-5200

Southey. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306-781-5065

White Butte. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .306-781-5065

Recognizing Abuse

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What is Abuse?

Abuse is a pattern of verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual behaviours used by one person in order to gain power and control over another person. When you are being abused you may feel afraid, worthless and helpless. Anyone can be a victim of abuse, regardless of ethnic background, age, gender, sexual orientation, disabilities, religion, marital, financial or employment status.

Am I being abused?

Please remember that no one has the right to hurt you. You have the right to be free from abuse. You are not at fault and you do not cause the abuse.

Abuse can look like this:

·       HIts, kicks punches, pushes you around or hurts you in other ways

·       Constantly puts you down in public or in private

·       Makes you feel stupid, crazy, worthless

·       Isolates you from positive people who care about you

·       Makes it hard for you to leave your home

·       Does things that make you afraid, like throwing things or raising a fist

·       Threatens you physically or with other threats.

·       Forces you into sex you don’t want or sexual acts you don’t like by physical force or intimidation

·       Deprives you of necessities

·       Controls you in excessive ways, like tracking your time, taking your money, making abnormal demands of what you do or don’t do

You may feel:

·       Emotionally torn, confused

·       Afraid for yourself or your children

·       Helpless, like there’s no way out

·       Tense, anxious or on edge

·       Like you are never right, no matter what you do

·       Guilty or ashamed about what is happening